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October 11th, 2012

Oct. 11th, 2012

Its my birthday, did I spend it eating cake and doing all the things i love, nope.

I spent it with my mum while she decided she wanted me to take her to A and E, because she thought her foot was broken after tripping over the cat (that wasnt there, she was at my dads, but thats delusions for you), then decided she wanted her carer actually, no wait, my dad to take her.

Spent the rest of it at hospital only for it to turn out to just be bruised. in between I got told by her i needed to be on antidepressents, as I'm stressed out all the time (I wonder why?) and my dad got told that she was much more sympathetic when I was a child. What can I say, 24 year of emotionally and mentally taking care of her since I was 4 (4!) has taken it told on my and I'm emotionally exhausted, not to mention physically exhausted chasing after all her stories to find out if there true, to find out if the doctor really said he'd misdiagnosed her (he didn't) or her care manager threatened to take down all her railing if she didn't tidy the place up ( also didn't).

I just feel like I'm at the end of my tether, due to my AS I can barely take care of myself let alone mum, I'm not equiped, I dont have the empathy skills to understand emotionally what she's going through, so I end up feeling like a selfish sociopath when I get frustrated with her and her confusion. Logically I can understand if I was in her situation I wouldn't feel very happy.

It just it was my birthday, and I don't think she even was aware.

As a aside, vending machines in a hospital really should say "have a nice day", given the 3 most likely users are either patients, relatives of patients, or those who work there, all of which probably wont "have a nice day"!